Wednesday, February 25, 2009

thought this was funny

Hi. Hi there. Can I have some?

Is that OK if I just have some? Just a sip. I’m just a little thirsty. I know I just had some water, but all I want is one sip. Can I? OK?

Thanks. That’s all I wanted. Just a little sip like that one. I saw it sitting there and I thought maybe you would be nice. You let me have a sip. You are nice. I thought so. It’s nice to be with you. You are real nice for that. I like you.

Hey. So, let me ask…can I have another sip? Please? I mean, you’re not drinking it right now. Maybe I could just sip it for you. You don’t have to pick it up. I can reach it just fine. Yeah, I can just sip it while you aren’t. OK? What do you think? The first sip kinda made me thirsty. Funny how that works. Funny, huh? How it works like that. Did you think about it? Hm? Just a sip while you are busy. You are so nice.

Oh, thank you. Thanks a lot. It tasted good. Yeah, I liked it. That’s a real good drink you got there. A good drink for a nice person like you. I’m so glad.

You know, I think I might take another sip. Just a little one this time. Yeah? I can’t help it. I’m sorry. Sorry. Ok, I’m sorry. Too far. I just wanted another sip, but I’m sorry. Sorry.

Are you still mad?

I hope you aren’t mad. I like you. Hey, that’s your drink, huh? It’s big. Big drink you got there. Yep, it’s a big one. Big.

So can I have some? Some of your drink? Yeah, that’s right. Just a little. You seem to not be drinking it, and I just thought I could maybe help you. You know, help you out. It looks like you could use some help. Just trying to be helpful. OK. That’s all right. Maybe later you will let me help you.

So, hey. You gonna drink it all? I could help maybe. I’m good at helping. Yeah, sure am.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

the problem with "brothers"

let's be honest, not very many people like this bar.  while i've never graced its interior, i can say with confidence that hardly anyone i know has any part of them that enjoys this place.  its name says it all: "brothers."  "hey brah!  what FRAT ARE YOU IN!?"  "TIGHT DAWG.  let's see if we can get that chick to do some BAHDEE SHOTZ with us!," they seem to be saying to each other when i walk by.  with popped collars, designer jeans and fake (or real) gold watches, these ex-high school super-stars keep on living it up at brothers.  that's the reputation it has, anyway.  i never really had any problem with this bar other than the fact that it's a the only chain bar in the 14th and O area that i know of - and that it's geared toward frat dudes.  (RAWK!)  that doesn't seem like a really great foundation for truly loathing an establishment like many people i know do, but then something happened to me that changed my vague dislike into full-scale contempt...

it was only last spring sometime when i was denied entrance to this bar just because i had on a white t-shirt.  that's their dress code policy: "no white t-shirts".  "seriously, read it on the window.  brah," the man said to me as i proceeded to walk through his arm thinking he was joking.  and so i waited outside on a bench for my friend who went in to look for someone.  "that's kind of a weird policy," i thought (and continued), "i wonder why they think they are above people that wear white t-shirts."  this thought seemed to resurface in my (sub)conscious over the next few weeks as i pondered what their problem with us white t-shirt wearers could be.  then it hit me: actually nothing hit me.  i couldn't understand it for the life of me except that it was an attempt to keep up the "stature" of the bar.  yep, gotta have that collar, gotta have that non-white t-shirt.  gotta keep up the image of our clientele.

be that as it may, and there may be a legitimate reason for this dress code rule, i found myself strolling in front of brothers a couple months later with a couple of my "bros," when the doorman thought we should be informed about their wing special for the evening.  "wha'sup BRAH!" he said strolling up to us, " hey you dudes know we got a wing special tonight?  ten cent wings, dawgs.  that's ten wings for a buck, man!"  little did the two doormen know that i had on a white t-shirt under my jacket.  so naturally (and sarcastically), i turned and said, "oh geez, brah!  i'd LOVE to eat some of your wings but i have a white t-shirt on.  what an obstacle between me and your sweet wing special!"  he challenged me to display said t-shirt.  i did so while saying, "yeah you won't let me in will you.  nice dress code policy!"

now, at this point i am not trying to hide my disdain for his establishment, so it's pretty clear that i'm being a snide jerk about it.  but then... before he returns to his doorman stool he whips out a classic: "well... then stop dressing like a DOUCHE!"  yes he did.  sooooo did.  to which i obviously replied, "oh yeah....ooooooh, look how douche-y i am in my white shirt!  ugggghhh so douche-y!  can't even go inside brothers..."

it wasn't until i got home that i realized:  "i just got CALLED A NAME by someone.  how ridiculous!  he called me a 'douche' just for wearing a white t-shirt.  that's so outrageous!"  the idea was spawned shortly after this night to one-up their ridiculousness with some of our own.  as it was nearing the colder months, we only had two opportunities to do so, but we have begun "white t-shirt protest night."  as many as are able meet downtown and walk up to brothers' enormous glass windows in white t-shirts, staring ever so zombie-like at those inside to stand in protest.  we stand in solidarity for the voiceless white t-shirt wearers of lincoln and the world against childish name-calling and questionable dress codes (mostly the name-calling).  we will likely resume protesting in may on fridays (or whenever).  there is a facebook group if anyone feels compelled to join.  that is all.  unite!